so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
