Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize