Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
