Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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