Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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