This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
