and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
