my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
