the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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