Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
