I wish I could teleport
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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