She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
