If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
