I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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