there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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