You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
