i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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