i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
