he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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