i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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