I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
