this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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