I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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