and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
