i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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