Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
