the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
