He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
