I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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