I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
