Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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