hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
