just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
