I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
