dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
