I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
