My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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