If i come over, it means nothing
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
