you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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