I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
