dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
