he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
