Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
