umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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