Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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