is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
