yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
