ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize