Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
