he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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