I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
