You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
