dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
