and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
