It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
