u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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