I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
