I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think i have two assholes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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