The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
