you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
