i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
