What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
