Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You made out with two different species that night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
