she smelled like a LAN party
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
