Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize