Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
