my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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