I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
