we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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