Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
