The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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