I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
