ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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