he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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