do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
