this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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