But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
