I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
