Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
