oh god the rape fog is back!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
