How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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