i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
