I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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