Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
