I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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