So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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