well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
