Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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