Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
