I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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