I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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