Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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