You made me cry and you don't even care
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize