So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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