that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
