anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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