i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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