the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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