What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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